What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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