dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
either way he was missing a nipple.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
