just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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