Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
