the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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