I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
