Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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