So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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