I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
