So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
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No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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