so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
