i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I touched a dick in church today
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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