If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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