I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
