I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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