ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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