Pappa wants mamma naked
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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