But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think your dad took our porno
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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