Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
