There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
