i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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