When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
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He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
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He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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