It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
