you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize