One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
