people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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