I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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