The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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