How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
