other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
