he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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