my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
