We named our party play list daddy issues
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
