Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
