he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
