My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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