oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You may now shotgun with the bride
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
