what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She told me I should be a condom model.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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