if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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