When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
