so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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