Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
