You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
After last night, I could never be a politician.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
