I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
