So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
