fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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