Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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