My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Dear god my vagina.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
