We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
