Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
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Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
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I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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