Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
