I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
