I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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