I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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