I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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