I'm lost and stupid without you.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
