thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
