Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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