Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Randomize
