so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
