his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
