Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
