Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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